After receiving the diagnosis, many cancer patients, both women and men, see how Eros leaves their lives quickly. However, many people can continue to enjoy a sexual life and the intimacy of the relationship after the oncological treatment, although sometimes you have to make some changes.
One of the most important concerns of people with cancer, especially when the affected organ has sexual implications (testicle, penis, breast cancer, gynecological, etc.) is to know how it will affect their intimate life. The treatments and their side effects, physical changes, concerns and sexual problems can make it even more difficult to feel attached to your partner and the way you relate to her.
While you try to accept the changes yourself, you may also worry about how your partner will react to scars, the amputation of certain organs, ostomy, sexual problems or the loss of fertility.
Because people are very different and have different sexual needs, it is impossible to say exactly how cancer will affect your sex life. As we have mentioned, some cancers and their treatment can affect your ability or desire to have sex more than others. Also, if you have a romantic relationship, your concerns may be different from those of someone without a partner.
You should also know that many people can continue to enjoy a sexual life and the intimacy of the relationship after the oncological treatment.
If you can not recognize your own body as yours, it is probably harder to experience desire. Scars from surgeries, hair or body parts that are lost, fatigue induced by chemotherapy, burns from radiation therapy, nausea, drugs that block hormones, numbness caused by neuropathies, possible Loss or gain of body weight and anxiety are not usually aphrodisiacs.
Many people who have overcome a cancer point out the following as their main problems:
1. Loss of interest and sexual desire. Chemotherapy and its side effects, pain and other discomforts and worries can make you lose interest and sexual desire. The fear of rejection, problems with body image, sadness, etc. can also decrease your sexual desire.
2. Not being able to have sex again as before. Some oncological treatments cause changes in the sexual organs. As a result there are changes in sexual life.
• Some men after prostate, penile or testicular cancer treatment can no longer have or maintain an erection. It can also weaken the male orgasm and make it have no ejaculation.
• Some women express changes in genital sensations and pain in relationships after gynecologic cancer treatment.
Given these changes there are possible solutions, currently at HC Marbella we are carrying out the vaginal laser that improves the dryness caused without surgery.
3. The sterility caused by some oncological treatments can cause some people to have problems in their sexual relationship after the treatments. For them there are treatments for the preservation of fertility for both women and men.
The first and fundamental step is to talk with your partner.
• Tell him how you feel about sex and what you would like to change. Maybe these issues can help:
– What is happening with your sex life. For example, “Since I have finished the treatment, we have only had a sexual relationship”.
– What you think about your sexual life or your sexual relationships. For example, “I think the scar scares you, that you do not want to get close because you do not like it and because I do not look as attractive as before”.
– How do you feel about it? For example, “I want you to know that I feel lonely and miss the relationships we had before the illness. Sometimes I feel sad because I think you do not love me anymore and this hurts me enormously”.
– What would help you feel better and improve your relationships. For example, “I would like us to have sex more often. I would like you to ask me as you did before the disease”.
Following these steps will bring you closer to your partner and avoid feelings of guilt. Your partner will also help you know what you are thinking and feeling and know that you can find a solution together.
• Listen to your partner, advice:
– Pay attention to his words and try to repeat what he is saying to make sure you have understood correctly. For example, “So, are you telling me that what’s wrong with you is that you’re afraid of hurting me?”
– Ask questions to be interested and understanding. For example, “do you also want to have more sex but do not you dare to tell me? Are you worried about looking a bit selfish?”
– Give him support. For example, “I did not imagine that this was also very hard for you”.
Many couples manage to live a satisfying sexuality after one of the members has had cancer. For this it is fundamental to live the physical changes with naturalness, to have a complete information and not to postpone this topic.
However, talk about sexual concerns, fears about sexual intercourse, etc. is not simple. It’s usually a little uncomfortable to talk about it. Asking for help and talking about this issue with the doctor is not easy either.
Usually the doctor while explaining the treatments and their side effects to you had told you about the impact of them on your sex life. When this happens, ask all your questions and doubts.
However, if you have not explained these issues in a clear way, ask your doctor without fear all those things that worry you, ask how they will affect the treatments to your sex life, when if you can recover the normality, what can you do?, etc.
At HC Marbella we are aware that in general, sexual problems do not solve themselves. Sometimes it is good to ask for help from a psycho-oncologist or a sex therapist. Do not feel embarrassed or insecure. In our hospital we have a team of experts from psychologists, gynecologists, urologists, etc. next to those you can find solutions.
August 9, 2018
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